Unknown intentions:

In all honesty there is still a little piece of my heart yearning for your presence. I know I still care because any one of your pictures provokes an unknown emotion; anger mixed with regret and a little bit of hope, and this hope makes this emotion mysteriously sweet. To add to the complexity of this emotion, I feel guilt, guilt for my current boyfriend of which I like a lot! So then why? Why is this emotion still present? Especially on the terms we left where I had (and still do have) no closure. We fought over my immature jab at his heart which was most likely unsuccessful. And he has a boyfriend! I have been explicitly exposed to this truth.

So now, we each both have our own boyfriend, shouldn’t this be enough? Well, I finally was overcoming the emotion I experienced every time I saw your picture, but then we talked, only for a day!! And this emotion flooded my soul once again. And I can’t help but wonder: is it possible that he texted me because he feels the same way? Was this an attempt at patchwork so that we can become friends? His intentions, as of now, are unclear, and the thought in the back of my head is if these intentions were revealed, what would happen? Now we’re getting into theoretical thoughts of which I do not intend on delving in to.

But for now,  I am overwhelmed with emotions, but the largest one is fear, fear of my relationship with my boyfriend, fear of realizing his true intentions, and fear that I, as always, am overthinking, overreacting, after all, we did only talk for one day, and there was no scandalous topics on either of our tongues. And so now, I am slowly torturing myself via social media trying to scratch up ANYTHING that may reveal  his intentions!

And my boyfriend! So sweet and kind and everything I wanted, while we…  We always had this mysteriousness to our relationship, and I never knew what was going on… and I can’t imagine why that is more tantalizing than actually having a boyfriend where the emotions and relationship is so clear, I’m afraid, that my teenage boredom may be getting the best of me… I also fear that my teenage hormones are as well, as we only had one conversation!! Ugh… is all I can say… :/